It's been three weeks since Dad passed over. My energy is too low to concentrate or focus. I'm experiencing discomfort points throughout my earthsuit: gurgles, pains, muscles cramping. On reflection, taking a Soul across is tedious and strenuous work. Clearly my body is not accustomed to the rigor and constant output of energy required while negotiating the journey for another Soul to return home. And then there's the grief of loss. Clearly this is new to me.
And then there's the pile of papers on my desk to finalize Arthur S. Goldberg's life. Not anything I couldn't accomplish in 5-6 hours, if I get myself to my desk.The periodic exhaustion along with the "pains" I feel is demanding rest and isolation. I know I am to cease exertion and rest. As I see it, I'm pushing a huge rock up a hill only to have it roll back onto me after a few steps. Why bother... the pile will be there when I'm well nourished again mentally, physically and psychicly. All is in divine order.
I recognize I can not do this alone. I need my cosmic guides and earthly healers. Healing one's self is a real awakening each time dis-ease occurs and this is no exception.
I realize I must recognize the pains, visual them in my body and honor them...they are the wisdom-keepers of my earthsuit, my protectors screaming out: "Renee--we demand your attention, we need you to take action, the pot is boiling too rapidly right now and the lid is about to blow off and break." My Soul applauds. Cease.
I see my own rescitence to finish Dad's paperwork and feel the finality of my daughterly efforts on his behalf that I've done for the last five years with pleasure. It will be no more. [Tears flood my eyes.] My work is obviously needed elsewhere. That time is to be freed up for other uses.
As I claim that I am Physician of the Soul, I release tentativeness and find myself forthcoming, speaking my truth to others. I have opened myself to criticism, being called weird (which my daughter has said for as long as I can remember -- broad smile on my face) and possibly losing a few friends, associates and family. But I can no longer deny I am drawn to support a dying body to release his/her Soul home in a conscious, loving way. I am one who mid-wife's the Soul back home. I just am. It is part of my ministry.
So healing myself after taking Dad's Soul across is paramount right this minute. Once well, I am clear my job is to make my earthsuit able to be in the presence of earthly death and Soul emergence without a personal hit. Being strong emotionally and physically is vital. To this I commit.
In the meantime, I rest and recover. I nurse my body back to vibrant health with tinctures and supplements, praying over each dose and giving myself a few weeks to recalibrate my systems. In honor of my human earthsuit, my divine being bows. And as I let other people know Dr. Irene is available, I feel validated that I am doing my work, even while healing myself more...
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